A Philistine's Reflections on Art

I am lucky enough to have a mother with a good understanding and appreciation of art, as it no doubt prompted my own love of it. Ever since we were little, my brothers and I have been taken, if sometimes rather reluctantly, (you know who you are!) to exhibitions and galleries.

Unfortunately however, (or, perhaps fortunately for you creation smiters out there), not everyone has this experience. Because of this, I decided to write a post dedicated to the thought process of, let's face it, the majority of the population (yes, even you wannabe art critics) when stood in front of a piece of art.

Note to self: this issue seems to be particularly prevalent among more modern works

So here it is, a collection of questions that have undoubtedly passed through your mind at one point or another when looking at art.

1. When presented with an abstract work generally of the Cubist style. Mind: In what world is a cycloptic square ever going to embody the title 'Woman in Blue'? (Inebriation excluded)

Actual response: Golly, yes, I can really see how the aesthetic quality of the paint in this lends itself to developing a new understanding of the Cubist movement.

2. Whilst staring at a naked figure.

As a little aside, might I say that art is the only place where openly staring at someone completely starkers is actually acceptable. After all, it's all in the name of art.

On this point, let me present you with another amuse-bouche of an interlude on the prospect the nude.

I recently had the pleasure of walking into (literally) the MACBA gallery in Barcelona, completely by chance. Being an art fan, I decided what better way to spend my time than seeing what it had to offer, which seemingly was an exhibition labelled '1000m2 de desig.'

"Ah, a design exhibition" my limited knowledge of Catalan told me.

No sooner had I entered however, than I realised the error of my ways. Facing me were wall to wall explicit drawings aptly labelled 'The Phallus Rules,' amongst others.

At my horror of realising what I had walked into, I promptly headed for a large red door, which I presumed to be the exit; however, no such luck.

Instead, I was confronted by a rather x-rated video of what can only be described as a game of 'Doctors and Nurses,' the content of which I shall leave to your imagination.

Safe to say, that game has now been marred from the innocence of my childhood.

3. Quote of the day: "I thought Dadaism was an obsession with your father?"

4. Staring at Mondrian's classic paintings 'Composition I/II' etc.

Viewer: *scoffs* "I could do that"

In the famous words of A.J. Muirhead © 1924: "Yes, but you didn't."

'Nuff said.

5. Staring at a photograph of a man reclining.

Mind: Just so I'm clear, we're going to spend 5 minutes staring at a photo of a stranger lying down?

Response: Yes I can really see how the use of light helps to accentuate the positive and negative space of the form.

6. A classic mistake with modernist work. Various household objects placed around a room in the gallery.

Man approaches wooden stool in the middle of the room and goes to sit on it.

Security guard: "Excuse me sir you can't sit there, that's part of the exhibition."

I am ashamed to say that I have actually been a witness to this one. Needless to say, I was not the culprit.

7. What appears to be a climbing frame is stuck to the wall.

Accompanying description: This piece contemplates the theme of childhood frustration by causing any kids who have been dragged to the exhibition even more fed up, by presenting them with something that would be great fun to play on, but that they are not allowed to touch.

Thank you to Glen Coco (no, seriously!) for that description.

What would this post be without an art joke to finish? So to end, here is a great one to whip out at the next gallery visit, to save any uninspiring insights.

Van Gogh: I've bought you a present, I know you're going to love it.

Wife: It's not another ear is it, Van?

#life